For those of you that know me, and more importantly for those of you that don’t and are just tuning in, I’ve maintained a fairly consistent and comparatively positive approach to handling relationships and situations presented to us in our everyday lives. I’d consider myself an optimist and rarely view the glass as half empty (unless of course I’m serving drinks and in that case, I would be the first to encourage a second round). There’s no birthday I wouldn’t celebrate and no party I wouldn’t start (including those pants off parties which usually require a fair amount of full and empty wine glasses).
As of lately however, it seems that every glass I touch seems to not only be half empty, but slightly chipped and damaged as well. This past month of “soul” searching and Christmas shopping has left me feeling rather parched making the need for a possible refill harder to come across than a holiday sale in mid-July.
As much as I’d love to post something comical and jolly for the upcoming season, I feel myself stumped and hindered by more than ‘writers block’, but actual real life circumstance. Truth be told, I haven’t sat down and collected my thoughts since well… my last visit to New York, and lately, it seems that everything around me has quite literally reached ground zero.
Recently, I spent my 25th birthday holding my mothers hand as we were both ironically reminded that my 1st and 25th “birth day” were exclusively celebrated at the hospital, rendering different circumstances yet yielding the same outcome; my mother in a hospital bed. (I lightheartedly offered we skip this tradition for every milestone, although they did offer free dinner and drinks, minus the booze)
A few weeks prior, I received a devastating phone call from the guy I was then dating claiming he had totaled my car after a night of heavy bar hopping and excessive drinking. Not 48 hours after I had kissed him goodbye and handed him my keys had he managed to total a mid sized SUV vehicle causing damage to another car, but also fleeing the scene leaving my mother responsible for all associated costs and liabilities. To this day, I’m not sure why I trusted this scavenger with access to my car, but let’s just say I wanted to believe that underneath all his dirt, there was still a wild flower to be grown.
Aside from the “accident”, you would think one would be grateful for escaping a DUI and criminal charges and financially agree to aid in settling the difference (within reason) of identically the same car, but according to the story “It’s not his fault we couldn’t purchase an auctioned car for cheaper” (Given there’s no warranties and no way to test drive any of the vehicles at these lots).
To be fair, the deductible was paid that following week after I returned from my “relaxing” vacation with overdrawn funds from his bank account. In an attempt to sympathize for his reckless behavior (who doesn’t excessively drink and get behind the wheel of a loved one’s vehicle while living at home and not owning a car of his own) I tried to set up a payment plan which would also turn out to be a flop (Regardless of how kind my mother was in response to the situation).
And thus, as they say, everything in life happens for a reason. We like to think that when good happens, we deserve it to happen, but when the bad comes knocking on our door, we wonder who invited that company in the first place. When my mom fell extremely ill, I was angry. Angry at the people who wronged me, and angry at myself for not seeing it sooner. After numerous visits to hospitals and doctors, we’re coming to understand the root of her diagnosis and seek alternative solutions to this problem.
That day, I was blessed with an abundance of love and support from friends and family. Erika, Rachel, and Mina, you girls are my rocks (or diamonds if you will) and although it seems like I’ve been a few clowns short of a circus these days, I would never have made it through this show without you girls.
As for my taste it guys, well, I’m working on that too. I’ve learned to listen to myself and trust my gut instincts. If something is telling you to avoid certain relationships, do it. Don’t wait for that final phone call asking permission for your car to be released from the junkyard.
As of now, I’m moving on with it. There’s no use dwelling in what “could-have-been” or “should-have-been”. If that’s how he wants to live his life, I can’t punish him for it. I can only forgive. The rest, is up to k a r m a.
As of lately however, it seems that every glass I touch seems to not only be half empty, but slightly chipped and damaged as well. This past month of “soul” searching and Christmas shopping has left me feeling rather parched making the need for a possible refill harder to come across than a holiday sale in mid-July.
As much as I’d love to post something comical and jolly for the upcoming season, I feel myself stumped and hindered by more than ‘writers block’, but actual real life circumstance. Truth be told, I haven’t sat down and collected my thoughts since well… my last visit to New York, and lately, it seems that everything around me has quite literally reached ground zero.
Recently, I spent my 25th birthday holding my mothers hand as we were both ironically reminded that my 1st and 25th “birth day” were exclusively celebrated at the hospital, rendering different circumstances yet yielding the same outcome; my mother in a hospital bed. (I lightheartedly offered we skip this tradition for every milestone, although they did offer free dinner and drinks, minus the booze)
A few weeks prior, I received a devastating phone call from the guy I was then dating claiming he had totaled my car after a night of heavy bar hopping and excessive drinking. Not 48 hours after I had kissed him goodbye and handed him my keys had he managed to total a mid sized SUV vehicle causing damage to another car, but also fleeing the scene leaving my mother responsible for all associated costs and liabilities. To this day, I’m not sure why I trusted this scavenger with access to my car, but let’s just say I wanted to believe that underneath all his dirt, there was still a wild flower to be grown.
Aside from the “accident”, you would think one would be grateful for escaping a DUI and criminal charges and financially agree to aid in settling the difference (within reason) of identically the same car, but according to the story “It’s not his fault we couldn’t purchase an auctioned car for cheaper” (Given there’s no warranties and no way to test drive any of the vehicles at these lots).
To be fair, the deductible was paid that following week after I returned from my “relaxing” vacation with overdrawn funds from his bank account. In an attempt to sympathize for his reckless behavior (who doesn’t excessively drink and get behind the wheel of a loved one’s vehicle while living at home and not owning a car of his own) I tried to set up a payment plan which would also turn out to be a flop (Regardless of how kind my mother was in response to the situation).
And thus, as they say, everything in life happens for a reason. We like to think that when good happens, we deserve it to happen, but when the bad comes knocking on our door, we wonder who invited that company in the first place. When my mom fell extremely ill, I was angry. Angry at the people who wronged me, and angry at myself for not seeing it sooner. After numerous visits to hospitals and doctors, we’re coming to understand the root of her diagnosis and seek alternative solutions to this problem.
That day, I was blessed with an abundance of love and support from friends and family. Erika, Rachel, and Mina, you girls are my rocks (or diamonds if you will) and although it seems like I’ve been a few clowns short of a circus these days, I would never have made it through this show without you girls.
As for my taste it guys, well, I’m working on that too. I’ve learned to listen to myself and trust my gut instincts. If something is telling you to avoid certain relationships, do it. Don’t wait for that final phone call asking permission for your car to be released from the junkyard.
As of now, I’m moving on with it. There’s no use dwelling in what “could-have-been” or “should-have-been”. If that’s how he wants to live his life, I can’t punish him for it. I can only forgive. The rest, is up to k a r m a.
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